LOVING YOU MADE ME HATE MYSELF

I am that person who used to think no matter what life throws up at me I am going to be the one who will always look in the mirror and smile. Yeah well I think my life took that challenge seriously.

I met him 3 years ago. Just passed at of school, searching for a legendary love story. Haha I guess what we have is legendary. I cant believe how complicated it got. I still do not regret meeting him. I still defend all of his flaws and he still points out mine like an important event of the day.

I started forgiving so much that I had nothing left inside me. I feel hollow, like some shape shifting animal. He shapes me in whatever way he wants to and I just go with the flow.

Was this how it was supposed to end? Was this all that was written in my love life, fall in love with someone that’s way toxic and destroy your identity?

I have never felt so helpless. I tried leaving him but I couldn’t, the thought that he might never come back to stop me was just not tolerable for my tiny delicate heart. And I hate myself for this, for being so stupid, so ignorant, and so anxious all the time.

Also we are not in a relationship, he loves someone else, yeah that makes sense now!