I am that person who used to think no matter what life throws up at me I am going to be the one who will always look in the mirror and smile. Yeah well I think my life took that challenge seriously.

I met him 3 years ago. Just passed at of school, searching for a legendary love story. Haha I guess what we have is legendary. I cant believe how complicated it got. I still do not regret meeting him. I still defend all of his flaws and he still points out mine like an important event of the day.

I started forgiving so much that I had nothing left inside me. I feel hollow, like some shape shifting animal. He shapes me in whatever way he wants to and I just go with the flow.

Was this how it was supposed to end? Was this all that was written in my love life, fall in love with someone that’s way toxic and destroy your identity?

I have never felt so helpless. I tried leaving him but I couldn’t, the thought that he might never come back to stop me was just not tolerable for my tiny delicate heart. And I hate myself for this, for being so stupid, so ignorant, and so anxious all the time.

Also we are not in a relationship, he loves someone else, yeah that makes sense now!




Crazy but worth it

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

What I wrote to my daughter on her wedding day……

The human connection — to be loved or understood

Ménage à trois — 5

Rashan From Bumble

Responding to the Reason

Narcissist Borderline Relationship

6 Reasons Why New Sex is Magical

Beautiful Tales : Short-lived Romances

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Ayushi Sinha

Ayushi Sinha

Crazy but worth it

More from Medium

My emotional pains. JANUARY 31, 2019

How do you negotiate caring for a mother that missed the mothering “gene?”

Freeze! Don’t Move! Before you make your next step you’d better call a lawyer.

The Surprising Truth About Work